Hilarious Warning Labels

From Uncle John’s Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader, actual warning labels that have appeared on actual products, that may make you actually pee your pants:

On a salt packet: “Warning: Contains salt.”

On a can of aerosol cheese: “For best results, remove cap.”

On an information booklet: “Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet.”

On air freshener: “For use by trained personnel only.”

On dog medicine: “Alcohol may intensify the effects.”

On rubbing alcohol: “Avoid contact with eyes, ears, brain, and surrounding membranes.”

On a letter opener: “Safety goggles recommended.”

On a travel pillow: “Do not use while sleeping.”

On a dust mask: “Does not supply oxygen.”

On a disposable razor: “Do not use during an earthquake.”

On a box of dice: “Not for human consumption.”

On a toy called Rubber Band Shooter: “Caution: Shoots rubber bands.”

On a bicycle: “Removing the wheel can influence the performance of the bicycle.”

On a disc-shaped chocolate: “Do not place chocolate into any electronic equipment.”

On a cleaner for eyeglasses: “Not for or direct use in eyes.”

On a birthday badge for two-year-olds (it says “I am 2” on one side): “Not to be used by children under 3 yrs. of age.”

On a dishwasher: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.”

On a can of tuna: “Caution: Contains fish.”

And our #1 (and #2!) favorite:

On toilet bowl cleaner: “Safe around pets and children, although it’s not recommended that either be permitted to drink from the toilet.”

Good thing you warned us! Because cleaning toilets makes us thirsty!

Hey, we just thought of a new UJBR theme song:

“You deserve a book today / so get up and get away / to the bathroom! / yes the bathroom! / with a Bathroom Reader! / to read!”

Whattaya think? Pretty good, huh?

"Book 'em, Dano! And get their prints, too!" (Get it? Get it? Okay, sorry.)